Well....

by pokynojoe, Monday, January 07, 2019, 17:32 (2084 days ago) @ Rob Leahy

Truth be told, I actually joined the forum in 2159. Yes, the forum is still around, but not in the way you know.

You see, I was teleporting home from a party on the evening of Feb 32nd, 2184, when(having imbibed a little too much) I zigged, when I should have zagged, and consequently fell down a worm hole and landed in your year of 1999. My machine was damaged and the technology to repair it doesn't exist in this time, so I've been stuck here ever since. Yes, I know this is a bit much to swallow however, You'll just have to get used to it.

Now I know you all must have a lot of questions, and it would be highly unethical of me to reveal what has happened over the years. However, there are a few things I can tell you.

I'm sure the main question you all are wondering about is "Do firearms still exist?" Well, yes they do...sort of. The modern firearm of my time was developed on along 2068, and the theory behind them doesn't exist yet, so it would be hard for me to explain how they function. They don't look anything like the guns you're accustomed to. They fire projectiles, but they are not bullets per se. Again, let's just skip that part. I will tell you though, that the guns of this time are still collected by groups of aficionados, although the value is beyond the reach of most, myself included. With the invention of the Identi-replicatior on or about 2105, fakes abound, and the gun shops of my time don't actually sell guns(anyone can replicate one whenever), but they are actually laboratories where original old timey guns are tested and authenticated. There aren't very many of these. You know those Raven .25 caliber pistols? Well I buy all those I can find with the hope that I will be able to return to my time. I'll make a fortune because these are one of the most highly desirable collectibles, believe it or not. They command a high price and are extremely rare in my time.

This begs the question: "If revolvers and pistols as we know them today are beyond the reach of most, why does the sixshooter community message board still exist?" It's not actually a message board, computers became obsolete in 2089. We use what's called in my time "Thought-Send" technology. Again, just take my word for it. Many of the members are actually people who have descended from a lot you alls genetic line, generations removed of course. Yes, many of the firearms you treasure today, were lovingly preserved by your offspring down through the generations. There is one big problem though. Ammunition is problematic. There is no more lead, that ran out about the turn of the 21st century, and the nitro-cellulose propellents became obsolete in 2062. In my time the people that were lucky enough to preserve revolvers and say a 1911(which by the way, the Canamerimexcan army redesigned in 2111) have to make their own propellent and fashion bullets out of suitable material. It's sort of similar to what you all know as black powder, but not quite the same. There's no more sulfur...so... there's that. Oddly, there's still brass though.

There's lots of other stuff, but that's more than enough for you to digest for now. Some things I've discovered since my arrival that I quite enjoy:

Hot dogs, they don't exist in my time
Bourbon, ditto this. We have alcoholic drinks, but nothing that resemble what you all have now. Curiously, we still have Boone's Farm though. It's actually very expensive, and out of my budget in my time.

You'll be interested to know that coyotes and roaches are still problematic in my time, although, they don't resemble what you have in your time. You see over the years the government introduced genetically modified coyotes and roaches into the respective populations and well... it kind of backfired. In my time, what you now know as the State of New Jersey is uninhabitable by humans.

As far as my real name, it wouldn't make any sense in the English spoken today. In my time the language spoken is an agglomeration of the current Bantu, Italian, and Russian languages of today. It would sort of sound like "Zoot"

Oh, and a few last thoughts, we still have Spam in my time. In fact, in my time it tastes like a porterhouse steak, quite delicious. And yes, a lot of you alls great-great-great- great-great-grandchildren are very nice, I've met them all. We still meet once a year as the Confederate Sixgunners, but it meets outside Gettysburg, Marysylvaniadel. Oh, and the south did rise again, but not in the way you think, but that's a discussion for another time.