Difficult news for us

by Chuck Smith , Sunday, March 17, 2013, 11:07 (4272 days ago) @ brionic

Brian,

I don't know you or your wife Pam. I'm only mildly familiar with your situation as I've been far removed from this board, as well as many other things. I felt compelled to respond to your post and it appears I may have been led here this morning for some unknown reason? On September 10, 2006 my wife Robin and I lost our youngest child Cade at the age of 4-1/2. Cade was the youngest of our three children, all boys. Unfortunately, I'm unable to provide you with any pearls of wisdom that will aid in the walk you and your family will have to make. I'm unaware of any greater pain, both physically and emotionally, than that of losing something so precious as one of your children. Nothing I know of prepares a parent for that, regardless of the duration of the illness or disease. Cade became ill on September 5th and passed away on the 10th. We were told he had contracted a rare virus with no known means of cure and he eventually succumbed to heart failure. I was with Cade in the hospital when he went into cardiac arrest and I began CPR on my own child. There will be those who will tell you you to be strong and cherish the time you had. There will be others who attempt to offer words of support and encouragement, many falling so very short, but with good intentions nonetheless. Everyone is an individual and how they handle such a horrible tragedy of losing a child is also done so individually as well. Some are able to cope if you will better than others. Before Cade's passing I considered myself to be made of granite! The bark on my tree was harder than anything you may be able to imagine as well. After his death, I realized I was not made of stone and for the better part of 5 years sank into a deep pit of depression. I all but walked away from everything that meant anything to me. I was not there for my two boys who are now 18 and almost 15. My wife, the love of my life, endured terrible pain as well and I was also not there for her as I should have been. Self pity is a terrible thing Brian, but it took me a long time to realize that! To compound matters, my dad unexpectadly passed away the day after Christmas 2011. I worshipped the ground he walked on! While I'm no expert on giving advice, I can say with great certainty that your family and close friends are the ones who will provide the only comfort in trying times ahead, and trust there will be many. I wish I could sugar coat it, but that would not be fair. Cling to your wife and children, be there for them and them for you. Don't follow the path I took as it was filled with darkness and pain and the ones I loved so deeply paid the price. There are no "do overs" and if you fail to rely on the ones that mean the most there will be a cost. Nothing means more to me than my family and I'm blessed beyond words to still have them with me. My family will pray for you and yours and know there are others that share in your pain and will be here for you. God bless your precious child always!!

Regards,
Chuck, Robin, Charlie and Cole Smith