I'm going to have to use the "Ice Cream Principle"...

by pokynojoe, Thursday, December 12, 2013, 10:46 (3942 days ago) @ pokynojoe

First off, I like to thank everyone for responding to my inquiry. I appreciate the expertise you have all demonstrated. It’s inspiring. However, this leaves me with a dilemma, the solution to which requires that I employ what I like to call the “Ice Cream Principle.” Now, I know you are all asking yourselves; “Tell us Joe, what is the Ice Cream Principle?”

I can’t really divulge that in good conscience. If used incorrectly, the consequences could be catastrophic, for the poor soul who uses it in a situation it wasn’t developed for. You see, it’s a very complicated theory I came up with shortly after I got married. The mathematical proof alone, took over 12 pages, front and back, and consisted of a very complex series of calculations and equations, much akin to my search for the Unified Theory, (which by the way, I’ve also been working on in my spare time over the last thirty years…and yes…I’m very close).

The need for the “Ice Cream Principle” arose after the first time my wife asked me to go to the market and pick up some ice cream. Being newlyweds, my wife was, as yet, unaware of my tendency to sometimes lean towards the weird and unusual, if not bizarre. I’ll just say that the choice of ice cream I came back with after that trip to the market, haunts me to this day. After that trip, I quickly realized that I needed to come up with a bomb proof theory that would allow me to avoid the unpleasantness I experienced after that trip, should I be asked to make any trips to the market in the future. So after painstaking research and mathematical calculations bordering on alchemy, I finalized the “Ice Cream Principle.” I will tell you it’s one of my single greatest accomplishments. It works, it’s infallible, but, only if used with the skill that’s taken me years to develop. So, you can see why I can’t reveal to you the intricacies of this very powerful theory. But there’s another reason.

Shortly after I developed this principle, in my delight at its success, I decided to submit it, along with the mathematical proof, to certain esoteric scientific publications for peer review. Little did I know what a can of worms I opened. My submission was intercepted and I was paid a visit by men in dark glasses who represented various and sundry governmental and quasi-governmental covert organizations. I was warned in no uncertain terms, that the contents of my proof must never be revealed to the general public. That it would cause, and I quote “a ripple in the fabric of American society, that couldn’t be repaired.” Yea, these guys are pretty dramatic, and I was scared. I protested and told them that if used correctly, my principle would cause harmony among husbands and wives everywhere for all time. That was the problem, or so I was told, the government just can’t allow that to happen. Whereupon they seized every scrap of paper, all my notes, and any other evidence the “Ice Cream Principle” ever existed. In my haste to submit my findings I failed to copy my copious notes, so I was left with nothing. I tell you for a long time I lived under the “Sword of Damocles”, even now, while I’m typing this, I’m looking over my shoulder.

So, now you know why the secrets I discovered, such a long time ago, can never be revealed to anyone.

Oh, and as for the collimators, I can’t decide, that laserlyte thingy looks pretty cool, around here its "gun accessory wasteland", Christmas time you know. I have to make a trip to Nashville on Saturday; I’ll see what I can find there. Thanks guys.

Joe