I'll keep all of you in my thoughts

by Otony, Sunday, July 28, 2013, 18:47 (4140 days ago) @ brionic

Thank you sir. We didn't endure a quarter of the ordeal you and yours went through, but it was long and sad nonetheless.

When we still lived in California we visited her daily for the first year she was in the nursing home. Every day, without fail.

Over the next two years as she slipped deeper into the nightmare of Alzheimer's our visits were not so frequent. We stopped in every two or three days, rather than daily. By that point she no longer recognized anyone, and her vocabulary was reduced to about a dozen words or less. We visited more to keep the staff on their toes. That was the time of our worst despair, really, as we watched an intelligent, educated woman (Masters degree) reduced to a uncomprehending, crying imitation of a human being. No way for us to change things, much as we wished. No tools to help induces frustration and stress. My health deteriorated.

By the time we moved in March of 2009, she was reduced to calling the nurse mama, and could say only two or three other words. Shortly thereafter she stopped speaking all together. No light of recognition, that had actually dissapeared the first year. Just a dark tunnel without end.

The next four years we drove down to see her, the trip took two days in each direction, plus whatever time we spent there. Our kids endured this starting at four years of age, and less than one year old respectively. Needless to say, we have two of the most seasoned travelers in our children you could ever hope for. Each trip totalled up over a 1000 miles, so we put over 33,000 miles on my Chevy pickemup truck just visiting her. Those trips accomplished little save to placate our worries, and did little in that regard frankly.

At the time of our move, we tried to make arrangements to bring her here to Walla Walla. It would have required a 2 or 3 day medical transport accompanied by a nurse. Her doctor said no way, more than likely she would arrive doa. Thus the road trips. I fretted that we couldn't come more often, and made arrangements for a niece and a cousin to visit in our stead. I should mention that I had another niece who lived less than 15 minutes away, and Maria had a cousin who was about 20 minutes away. Too bad we can file charges for neglect, as they couldn't be bothered to see her more than a few times....in seven years.

A year or so back I got the bright idea to move her to Redding, CA. It is five hours closer to us, and a large town with lots of retirees. Many nursing homes. A short day trip for Maria, thus less stress. And for us it reduced the trip to one loooong day drive, which meant we could see her two or three times a month. Her doctors denied us that as well. I remember being in a Redding facility when we got that call and I was reduced to crying like a baby at the disappointment.

It is a sad relief, the more so as I mention our travails oftener than hers. In truth, the last few years were very peaceful for her. Not knowing what was happening, nor where she was, or even who she was, relieved her of an enormous burden of stress and worry. She was pretty much always calm, always napping. Now she is in the sunshine once again.

Otony